A couple of weeks ago, my oldest became a teenager. He’s in 7th grade and, to be completely transparent, it’s been a tough school year.
In addition to all the awkward challenges of this stage of life, his activity schedule and classwork are more challenging.
It seems like this year everything is getting thrown at him at once.
There are ebbs and flows of course. Some weeks and days it’s smooth sailing and there are laughs and smiles. Some weeks and days it’s a struggle with tears, hurts and shoulders hung low.
This week is one of those weeks with shoulders hung low and even a few tears.
As parents, we are feeling every single thing with him. It’s tough for all of us.
Of course, I want to make it all better for him.
The trouble is, as the grown-up, I know that not only can I not make it better for him, I shouldn’t. Dealing with all of these challenges is part of the path to growing up. It’s how we learn to deal with the brick walls, the not-so-nice people, and everything else.
Even if I could make it all smooth sailing for him, it would be the wrong thing to do.
So, in the meantime, I’m thankful to have a strong support system of family and friends. I’m grateful that my husband and father-in-law remember math like it was just yesterday, and most of all, I’m thankful that I have such a great kid. I know he will get through it. I know “this too shall pass.”
But, I’m a mom and I worry.
So, forgive me for not writing about my usual stuff today. Instead I’m sharing what’s on my heart and threw in a few pretty pictures of flowers because flowers always make me feel a little better.
Thank you for being a part of my support system. I appreciate every comment and every kind word. It means more to me than you will ever know!
Julie~
I was just talking with my sister yesterday, and she shared a story with me about my niece.
She was about your sons age ~
She came home from school in an awful mood, so my sister told her to go up to her room and think about how nasty she was being.
So she did.
Then my sister said a light bulb went off ~
She is being flooded with all kinds of thoughts and growing up is sometimes so hard.
My sister went up to her room, sat on her bed, and told her some day will be this way, and it is really OK to feel this way.
Just remember I am always here for you.
With that Becky broke down and started to cry and hugged my sister.
It is hard raising teenages, but like you said they have to learn how the real world can be at times.
It breaks your heart watching them go through it.
I hope today is a good day for your son.
Rose
Thank you so much for your kind words, Rose – they really do mean so much! You’re right…it’s hard to watch them go through it but it’s so nice to know that we are not alone and that they will make it through!
I hope you have a wonderful day,
Julie
I’m also deep in the middle of parenting a 15 year old boy and 13 year old girl. Some days are so hard. It seems smiles in our house are non-existent these days. I live for the moments where they are laughing and filled with joy. My son’s teacher reminded me the other day that the most important thing is that our relationship still be intact on the other side of this. It was a great lesson. It helps me to keep my cool when they are being difficult. I will pray for you.
That is a great lesson, Melissa — thank you so much for sharing. I often have to remind myself that it’s such a wonderful thing that he talks to us and that it’s so important to keep the lines of communication open. Thank you for your prayers and your encouraging words. I will pray for you as well as you parent your teens. 🙂
Julie
Julie,
It is hard to believe when you first have kids, that your heart can live outside your body, but it does.
I am in the midst of this as well. I remind myself there is reason middle school exists, it is short and no one wants to be around these guys too long anyhow! It is a time when every little thing is overly magnified, high highs and low lows. I have two through it, one in it and one left to go. Hang in there, sanity will return for all involved. And you are right, he has to forge his way, feel his lumps and know that you are the sponge he can throw himself against when all else fails, someone to soak up all his problems, and relaunch him into the world. Be brave my friend, you are on the right path!
Thank you so much, Alice. Your words were so encouraging and wonderful to read. I’m so grateful you took the time to write and lift me up – thank you!
This really tugged at my heart, Julie. I wish I could just tell you “don’t worry, everything will be okay,” but I know it’s not that easy. But really, everything will be okay! If I could have all the time back that I spent worrying, I would be 35 again 🙂 These years can be so tough, and social media doesn’t make it any easier. Along the way though, your kiddo will build character and integrity, learn forgiveness, you will find more forgiveness than you ever knew you had, and will realize at the end of it all that every trying experience helped shape him into a wonderful young man. In the midst of all the crazy, just try to find some small thing to rejoice in, because it all goes by way too fast. And I’m only ever a phone call away if you need a shoulder to cry on!
Thank you, Andrea — your words are always so kind and encouraging and I’m so happy to have you for a friend! I know I keep saying it, but I really mean it — we need to have our girls day soon! 🙂
Oh Julie … I feel for you…I remember those days and just wanting to fix it, like it was yesterday! Hang in there It is not easy…but it will all work out! My thoughts and Prayers are with you!
Thank you, Tammy – your encouragement means so much to me! 🙂
You know this post was just perfect today. Because you shared your heart. There are hundreds of blogs about food, decorating, and DIY projects. But you have been real and open. That is what helps us all. Because it makes us realize how alike we really are. Growing is challenging, but so worth the experience. You are a loving Mom and you and your family will make it through.
It seems symbolic that you used this beautiful photos of flowers in your post, because they represent life and hope and beauty interspersed throughout these times.
Thank you so much, Joan. I really appreciate the fact that you took the time to comment and write your beautiful, kind words. Everyone’s responses touched me deeply and it reminded me why I enjoy blogging — making these connections is really what it’s all about. I hope you have a wonderful day!
I have a son who’s in his Junior year of high school. On a daily basis, he struggles between hating school, his teachers, his life to being a normal, happy young man. I try to be understanding as he’s in the throws of impending ACT and SAT testing, trying to get in his community services hours (a graduation requirement as his school), looking for a summer job and trying not to fail MATH.
He seems to always be in a state of controlled anger. I think he is overwhelmed by all the responsibilities heaped upon him so my husband and I try to give him a lot of room to express himself. That being said, he went too far last week and let his frustration get the best of him. We took away his phone, laptop and car for a week. (He loved having his parents drive and pick him up from school! LOL)
As much as it pained us to ground him for nothing more than his attitude, he had a lot of time to think about his actions and came back in a day or two with a better outlook. We are supporting him in every way possible. We listen to his complaints, provide a comfort zone and have gotten him private tutoring for his upcoming tests. That’s really we can do. He has to go through this process alone. – And that’s all you can do as well. Don’t be too hard on yourself, if you didn’t care about your son, the situation wouldn’t bother you like it does. Try to remember that he’ll get through this and be more mature for it. There’s always mountain tops and valleys with raising a teenagers – Sending (((hugs))) your way.
Lisa, Thank you so much for taking the time to comment, encourage and share what you’re going through with your son. It is so hard to know how to navigate through these difficult parenting times — what’s the right thing to say, how much freedom to give, when to stand back and let them fail, etc. Thank you for the virtual hug, and I’m sending one right back at you as you navigate your way with your teen. Here’s to lifting one another up!
Have a wonderful day!
Julie
My teenage boys are in their 30’s now, happy and loving, and such fun to be with, hang in there, it WILL be worth it, I promise. I don’t know who cried the most in middle school, me or them, or their father, I think we took turns.
Thank you for that, Martha! Yes, I can relate — who is crying the most?! My dad said recently, “you really do live and die by your children” and he is so right — we feel their struggles, pain and joy right along with them. It’s not a journey for the faint of heart, but truly, I wouldn’t trade it for the world! And, kudos to you for raising happy, loving children — a true testimony to your parenting! 🙂
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I have often said that parenting is not for cowards or the faint of heart. My husband and I spent many hours sitting on ends of beds just listening. Sometimes that is all you can do. Hang in there this will pass. Physical activity helped a lot for our family. Got the stress out and church groups.
Thank you, Linda. You are so right. Parenting is not for the weak — it really can be a roller coaster ride! I appreciate your words of encouragement more than you know!
Julie
Hi Julie, I recently started following you and am a day behind on my email reading, but having raised 4 teenagers, I suspect the problem didn’t go away over night.
We have three girls and one son and I think he was the hardest. I knew girls and get girls and their thinking, struggles and moods, but to throw a son in the mix was all new to me! They can be just as emotional! We shed many tears- him and me together and me alone in my closet (it was my only quiet space). I want to encourage you to keep the communication open and pray for him over and over again and let him know you are praying for him. My son has struggled with dyslexia and school, reading, and order was always a struggle but we kept encouraging him in areas he is good in and now our son will be in his junior year of college next year, creates amazing artwork and will be a Resident Assistant next year at his university. It is all because of the love and the answer to many prayers. Pray for wisdom and a sensitive heart and as you said, “this too shall pass.”
Julie…why does it seem that being a kid these days are truly tougher…tougher than I remember…yes, I went through major challenges and prejudices, but it did not last long…these days, kids have so many hurdles, hurdles we never thought existed…Through the love and support of you, your hubby and extended family, I know that your son will get through these difficult times for him….You are a great mom and that is why you hurt along with our child…My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family Julie….As parents, our main concern are always with our children, no matter how old they are…your son has won half of the battle with the love and support of his family.
Oh Julie, I’d love to just give you a hug right now. It’s hard when our kids are going through these times in life. You know mine are older…25 and 23. The struggles change but never disappear completely. We want to fix them but we can’t. Honestly, when I remember times in life that I did fix something here and there I probably wasn’t doing any favors. They have to learn to persevere and to fix things on their own. They also have to learn that things will be ok. Kids can be so emotional in the teen years and that makes it extra hard. Hang in there! Let’s shop one day if you want a break.
Thanks so much, Stacey — I would love to go shopping one day soon! Things are still up and down, but it’s so nice to have such great support from friends like you! 🙂